wishful thoughts;

wishful thoughts;

wishful thoughts, unspoken most written:

I wish the sunshine never had to set, and everyday was brighter than the last

up, yet, until the day your gaze sets on mine

the brightest day that will be!

i will need no sunshine, you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

the brightest of all stars, on fire with zeal for us

so high, high untouchable not even the leafiest green can exceed

because with every breath i inhale, you lift me, love lifted

Dear Faith, Stand!

Dear Faith, Stand!

This right here is dedicated to me and the next broken person who reads this.

Foreword:
These words will have no meaning whatsoever to you if you are just one of those people that simply go about your day-to-day life care free and nothing happens. Your greatest stuggle for a day is when the guy you’re seeing doesn’t call you? Really.
Whilst the rest of us go through debt, mis-carriages, death, divorce, humiliation, cancer, law-suits, betrayal, abortion, identity crisis, abuse, rape AND BLAH!!!
But that’s perfectly fine I’m not writting in attempt to make you live a life not fit for you. I can’t guilt trip you to experience something you don’t know how. We are called with different purpose, with an equivalent suitable measure of Faith, and respond accordingly to what lies within us. Some of us therefore go through HELL ON EARTH as a test of our faith, but thank God it is only a test.

Word:
Most of you reading this don’t know me, some of you reading this THINK you know me. I myself don’t even know me.
If I could sum myself up: My name is Faith, and I have Faith. (Cliche but so fitting and true)
Having been alive for 20 years, a common almost recurring theme is evident in my life. Pain. Just pure pain at the core of my heart, somewhere within the deepest uttermost part of me that I feel every so often (more now than ever). I simply have come to a place where my smile is but for a second and I find myself crying A LOT. This is not like “i feel sorry for myself, my life is so bad” crying…
It’s a silent weep from within and I can just cry and cry and cry and cry
and I’ll pray.. but still cry.. pray some more.. cry some more..
and frankly, I AM PRAY-ED OUT AND CRY-ED OUT!!!

It’s either I kill myself (which is not an option really)
or I figure out what the fuss/pain is about.

(n.b if you’re sitting there in your prestigious seat of judgement and trying to figure out why I’ve decided to blog about this BLOG about this.. don’t! ain’t nobody got time for opinion when they hurting)

So What is it? *she thinks out loud*
A lot of stuff that has caused me hurt is too personal to share on WordPress, but in time, God will give me a platform to really testify and tell a story, A Story Of Faith.

Meanwhile, yet still not knowing why my soul must weap I’ve had to make some challenging decisions, just to lighten the burden. They are challenging because in the natural, they seem delusional and will require a lot of me. But I cannot afford to do without as my survival and sanity requires me to IF I am going to be really happy within myself.

1) I do not have to prove myself to/attain approval from you (insert YOUR name)
You being on the same level as me, another mere mortal, subject to the laws of the earth, the change in seasons just as I am. You are not superior to me, neither am I to you. You therefore have NO RIGHT to hurt me or dissapprove of me, vice-versa. Your duty (by choice) is to love your God (by choice) love your neighbour (by choice) and love me (DEFINITLEY by choice). What I say, the way I think, the way I write/blog is simply an expression of who God created me to be combined with the experiences I have had in my short life here on earth. I can’t change this about me, YOU can’t change this about me. I’ve accepted this and the more I study myself the more I fall in love with myself. I’d hope this goes for you to, however IF you happen to have a problem with anything be it my skin-tone, my personality, my nationality speak to God about it or better yet, Deal with it. My character however is subject to change, with time. If you don’t like my character at the moment, do me a favour and pray for me. Sitting there with assumptions and rules of how you would like me to live my life will no benefit either of us. It would just make me stubborn. And I ain’t about that life.

2) Not everyone is in it for the long run.
This is not really MY decision, rather something I’ve decided to accept. It is not my doing but of course God. We lose and gain people all the time, no not twitter followers but real life-changers. The ultimate decider being death. Not everyone will ride out the journey of my life with me and I will not ride out with everyone, sad but true. Think about it this way; I’ve had “childhood” friends from school througout to college, I’ve had friends from the day I confessed my Faith as a Christian. We made plans together, We had dreams together. I’m sitting here writing alone. I wouldn’t even dare pick up the phone and announce my new blog post is up simply because the common ground of which our friendship once laid is no more. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS did I see this coming or even WANT it to happen. I can’t even offer a straighforward explanation as to why I haven’t maintained my friendships. But in retrospect my personality of solidarity, easy withdrawal and dettachment could be a starting point…
I would have loved to bring everyone along and be there for everyone, and maybe a big reunion is in store. But I’ve come to a point I need to accept, Let it (them) go and move on. It does me no good wallowing in pitty whilst everyone get’s along and accomplishes THEIR goals. Their life didn’t stop because I left, My life did. For a short while. I won’t even lie I was just entangled in a me/them/us/she-said mess. Your friends are a second family, of choice and sometimes just God given. Pray for your friends, the right ones to come your way. Pray for your friends, the wrong ones to leave and go their way. Stop holding onto people that are on their way down and taking you down with them. Stop holding onto people that have moved on. Stop holding on. Let it go.

And to those with the privilege of joining ME for the long run.
Welcome aboard. Being in my life as my friend you are guaranteed Love, as best as I know how. You are guaranteed a listening ear and a toungue of advice.. if you request that of me. However if you become my friend in the hopes of controlling me you are in for a struggle. I’m not an open book but I am a thrilling book. Each chapter is different and every new revelation about me is bigger than before. I’d hope you are as much of a friend to me as I am. Encourage me, support me, motive me, inspire me, dream with me, laugh with me, cry with me?
Understand me.
but please,
Don’t Give Up On Me.

I don’t blame you if you can’t hack it, I won’t hold it against you.
Just speed up the process of your departure so I can make room for the freshers because like I said, not everyone is in it for the long run.

3)The future is still very much bright
A LOT of people are routing for me to fail. 2/10 people in a room will genuinely want me to do well. My statistics generated by my random number generator, in my head.
They don’t realllly mean anything on the surface, but I use them to illustrate that I wasn’t born the prettiest girl in the room, the fastest runner on the track. I didn’t play Mozart aged 5 neither did I memorise the whole periodic table. Therefore in a society based on appearance and proving yourself I’d be a bit more than average but definitely no Beyonce!
You’d Think…

My Faith however tells me something compeletly different:
I believe [by faith] my life and the events thereoff are not by chance, rather the strategic plan of a Sovereign God who is not limited by human reasoning. I believe [by faith] I am being prepared for a future to serve and love others. I believe [by faith] my suffering was not in vain rather a pre-requisite for the strength I need to be me. I believe [by faith] my future is bright. The way I see it, I am going to do something that has never been done before. Beyond any talent and human ability. Destiny. I don’t know where, how, who or when it will happen, but I just Know.I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW!
Don’t believe me?
JUST WATCH

Reflection:
If you’ve read this thoroughly you’d realise I still don’t know what the fuss/pain is about, but really I don’t think I need to know.
One of life’s many “WHY’s” left unanswered questions. The beauty of having Faith, is that in the midst of life’s WHY’s you can still manage to believe enough to keep on keeping on and STAND. With your head held up high, feet firmly sunk into the ground shoulders back just STAND. STAND when you don’t know what else to do, for falling (this far in) is not an option. STAND and let [your] God show off. STAND and let [your] God reward you for your diligence.

By Yours Faithfully.

Who Is God?

Who Is God?

Foreword:

this post is obviously “dedicated” [for the sole purpose] to give Glory To God  But, I’d also like to give some recognition to T.D Jakes and every preacher and believer out there fighting for the kingdom.. Please do not lose focus but keep on fighting the good fight of faith and remember we are not of this world but merely IN the world.

now i was attempting to do some “soul cleansing” after stopping myself from writing a rant about self inflicted bad decision making.. (You know those things you do and after just think to yourself WHYYY did I do/say/think that?!)..

so I watched me so T.D (as most people do when want to renew their mind with the word.. or literally just release some steam.. or build character.. Bishop T.D Jakes will ALWAYS have a word that can relate to your situation: here are [some of] my favourites:

..and so on

Word:

I like to think that I’m in a quest for a real understanding of God, (as most of us are). Muslim, Jew, Atheist we were all created with a “God Void”. And I don’t about you but mine needs to be filled. To not have a coherent belief, a Faith would defeat the purpose of existing. Everything I’ve been through would be for nothing and I would literally head to the strip club but there is a “fear” [reverence] in me for a GOD. 

Jesus went on with his disciples to the villages of Caesarea Philippi; and on the way he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that I am?”And they answered him, “John the Baptist; and others, Elijah; and still others, one of the prophets.” He asked them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter answered him, “You are the Messiah.” And he sternly ordered them not to tell anyone about him.

and this video here [below] pretty much sums it up, *MUST WATCH!!!*

“I AM. 365 NAMES OF GOD” : http://youtu.be/8UQf9zZBzv4?t=2m41s

over 40 minutes just going in (literally) on Who God Is. I’ve picked out a couple but like it says, 365 names of God.. One for each day of the week.. if you were to study each characteristic of the “NAME” God.. for just 20 minutes of your life..

[I am] God, who performs signs. [I am] he who searches the mind and heart. [I am] Great and greatly to be praised. [I am] wisdom. [I am] Omniscient. [I am] the Lord who stretches out the heavens. [I am] God, who declares new things before they spring forth. [I am] prophesy fulfilled, never early, never late. [I am] the fountain of Israel. [I am] the passover. [I am] the arc of the covenant. [I am] the alter of the tabernacle. [I am] the rainbows’ colour. [I am] the rock, there is no other. [I am] the bread of life. [I am] a consuming fire. [I am] he who will not remembers your sins. [I am] God who is merciful. [I am] the prince of peace prophesied by the prophet Isaiah. [I am] God who restores your soul. [I am] the friend of sinners. [I am] the God of peace. [I am] he who weeps with those who weep. [I am] long-suffering. [I am] gracious. [I am] my spirit. [I am] the beloved in the Song of Songs. [I am] ever faithful. [I am] abundant in mercy. [I am] Elohim (God, powerful and mighty) Adonai (Lord) Jehovah: Yahweh (God’s divine salvation) Jehovah, Shammah (The Lord, who is present). Jehovah, Rapha (The Lord, Our Healer). Jehovah, Jireh (The Lord, WILL provide). Jehovah, Nissi (The Lord, Our Banner). Jehovah, Shalom (The Lord, Our Peace).

El-Shaddai,

God Almighty.

Alpha and Omega.

I AM.

THE GREAT I AM.

Poetic Justic

Poetic Justic

Poetic Justice, I call it PrOphETic

Wise, For-seeing, Through your words you capture [my] attention

I listen attentively, “Quick to listen, Slow to speak”

So I Was Slow to type Speak.

But I did; as I was inspired to do by a CERTAIN poet . . . “Its no good wanting something but doing nothing about it. If you want to have it, you have to grab it and own it”

But in due time? If the time will ever be DUE I could own it?

as for you poet… “why window shop when you own it”

but it ain’t nobody’s ‘bi-ness and it definitely ain’t mine,

i guess it’s only through your written words not your spoken i will know, If you OWN-ing it.