wishful thoughts;

wishful thoughts;

wishful thoughts, unspoken most written:

I wish the sunshine never had to set, and everyday was brighter than the last

up, yet, until the day your gaze sets on mine

the brightest day that will be!

i will need no sunshine, you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

the brightest of all stars, on fire with zeal for us

so high, high untouchable not even the leafiest green can exceed

because with every breath i inhale, you lift me, love lifted

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To Be or Not to Be?

To Be or Not to Be?

Be the change you wish to see in the world yourself.

Foreword: Not being familiar with Gandhi and his teachings, I was surprised that the statement “Be the change you wish to see in the world” is infact a tweak of a statement he made;

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.” – Gandhi

I couldn’t help (as the sceptic I am) think that Gandhi inevitably regurgitated biblical scripture: “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” Proverbs 23:7  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

Whichever teaching you agree with,Gandhi/Solomon/Paul the message is similar, change within yourself will be expressed in your habits/actions/feelings. I’ve been banging on about change here there and everywhere, but I just hadn’t cracked the code of change. I may not know everything but I know a couple of things. I am naturally* a left-brained specimen, i.e. a person who is “left-brained” is often said to be more logical, analytical and objective, while a person who is “right-brained” is said to be more intuitive, thoughtful and subjective.  – More Here *Although I believe this notion will limit you ability to become the fully functioning you regardless of what brain the test suggested you were… #FFT

Word: I’ll try not to get too side-tracked from the point, which is often the case when you write. It’s amazing where your mind will start taking you just off one topic alone so bear with me (in all my posts) and I’m sure you will find one thing within these words “interesting”, or better yet, something you can relate to!

This is how I’ve been spending my time…

Fullscreen capture 21042013 234906-001

For way too long I’ve been doing absolutely nothing. Dormant, alive but not actively growing. A full testimony of the Living/Existing debate. Okay so I’ve tried my small hands at graphics, don’t try grade me on this, I’m a beginner. Nevertheless, you can see (from the pie-chart showing how I usually spend a day).. if I’m not asleep, or attempting to do University work I am wasting my time. “Stuff” and “Thinking” actually means… watching my Twitter Timeline, chilling in the counsel of the Ungodly, all the other day-to-day activities such as eating, “a bit of tele”.

Okay it’s not that deep of course I do other productive things but not half as much as I could/want to be doing. This may be an exaggeration but I am trying to challenge myself to change what I do, in order to become what I want to be. Although most of my “stuff” time is spent doing things I love and enjoy, the motives behind it are all wrong. Often after spending hours blog-surfing and sermon watching, I feel pressure to be at a level which I haven’t even begun working towards. Then I feel like I’m so behind at everything, and everyone is doing so much better than me? I Thank God for the people that are doing so well at what they do that it has made me want to change, not to become like them, but to become the best me.

This is how I hope to spend my time…

Fullscreen capture 22042013 000148-001

Okay so already this looks like a much more fun way to pass 24 hours. It will be [God Willing] but it will not in anyway shape or form be easy. I hope to fill 12 hours of “thinking” and “stuff” and do things that [I believe] will benefit me in days to come. This is not a new concept to me as almost everything I wish to do I have done it/something similar before. It’s the matter of starting it all over again after years of training myself out of routine. I need discipline, I need accountability, I need prayer! (no, seriously guys, I actually need prayer). So whilst I get my check-list in order, what will you be doing to become the change you wish to see in yourself. If you are well and good then Praise God your house is in order. If not, seriously consider how you manage your time, a resource which we can neither have too much off nor enough off.

Okay so less talk, More action… While I act on all this, feel free to have yourself a reckoning day, figuring out what/whom needs to stay or shift. Failure or success, I promise to keep an honest update of “Being the change I wish to see in myself” – Yours Faithfully

Dear Faith, Stand!

Dear Faith, Stand!

This right here is dedicated to me and the next broken person who reads this.

Foreword:
These words will have no meaning whatsoever to you if you are just one of those people that simply go about your day-to-day life care free and nothing happens. Your greatest stuggle for a day is when the guy you’re seeing doesn’t call you? Really.
Whilst the rest of us go through debt, mis-carriages, death, divorce, humiliation, cancer, law-suits, betrayal, abortion, identity crisis, abuse, rape AND BLAH!!!
But that’s perfectly fine I’m not writting in attempt to make you live a life not fit for you. I can’t guilt trip you to experience something you don’t know how. We are called with different purpose, with an equivalent suitable measure of Faith, and respond accordingly to what lies within us. Some of us therefore go through HELL ON EARTH as a test of our faith, but thank God it is only a test.

Word:
Most of you reading this don’t know me, some of you reading this THINK you know me. I myself don’t even know me.
If I could sum myself up: My name is Faith, and I have Faith. (Cliche but so fitting and true)
Having been alive for 20 years, a common almost recurring theme is evident in my life. Pain. Just pure pain at the core of my heart, somewhere within the deepest uttermost part of me that I feel every so often (more now than ever). I simply have come to a place where my smile is but for a second and I find myself crying A LOT. This is not like “i feel sorry for myself, my life is so bad” crying…
It’s a silent weep from within and I can just cry and cry and cry and cry
and I’ll pray.. but still cry.. pray some more.. cry some more..
and frankly, I AM PRAY-ED OUT AND CRY-ED OUT!!!

It’s either I kill myself (which is not an option really)
or I figure out what the fuss/pain is about.

(n.b if you’re sitting there in your prestigious seat of judgement and trying to figure out why I’ve decided to blog about this BLOG about this.. don’t! ain’t nobody got time for opinion when they hurting)

So What is it? *she thinks out loud*
A lot of stuff that has caused me hurt is too personal to share on WordPress, but in time, God will give me a platform to really testify and tell a story, A Story Of Faith.

Meanwhile, yet still not knowing why my soul must weap I’ve had to make some challenging decisions, just to lighten the burden. They are challenging because in the natural, they seem delusional and will require a lot of me. But I cannot afford to do without as my survival and sanity requires me to IF I am going to be really happy within myself.

1) I do not have to prove myself to/attain approval from you (insert YOUR name)
You being on the same level as me, another mere mortal, subject to the laws of the earth, the change in seasons just as I am. You are not superior to me, neither am I to you. You therefore have NO RIGHT to hurt me or dissapprove of me, vice-versa. Your duty (by choice) is to love your God (by choice) love your neighbour (by choice) and love me (DEFINITLEY by choice). What I say, the way I think, the way I write/blog is simply an expression of who God created me to be combined with the experiences I have had in my short life here on earth. I can’t change this about me, YOU can’t change this about me. I’ve accepted this and the more I study myself the more I fall in love with myself. I’d hope this goes for you to, however IF you happen to have a problem with anything be it my skin-tone, my personality, my nationality speak to God about it or better yet, Deal with it. My character however is subject to change, with time. If you don’t like my character at the moment, do me a favour and pray for me. Sitting there with assumptions and rules of how you would like me to live my life will no benefit either of us. It would just make me stubborn. And I ain’t about that life.

2) Not everyone is in it for the long run.
This is not really MY decision, rather something I’ve decided to accept. It is not my doing but of course God. We lose and gain people all the time, no not twitter followers but real life-changers. The ultimate decider being death. Not everyone will ride out the journey of my life with me and I will not ride out with everyone, sad but true. Think about it this way; I’ve had “childhood” friends from school througout to college, I’ve had friends from the day I confessed my Faith as a Christian. We made plans together, We had dreams together. I’m sitting here writing alone. I wouldn’t even dare pick up the phone and announce my new blog post is up simply because the common ground of which our friendship once laid is no more. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS did I see this coming or even WANT it to happen. I can’t even offer a straighforward explanation as to why I haven’t maintained my friendships. But in retrospect my personality of solidarity, easy withdrawal and dettachment could be a starting point…
I would have loved to bring everyone along and be there for everyone, and maybe a big reunion is in store. But I’ve come to a point I need to accept, Let it (them) go and move on. It does me no good wallowing in pitty whilst everyone get’s along and accomplishes THEIR goals. Their life didn’t stop because I left, My life did. For a short while. I won’t even lie I was just entangled in a me/them/us/she-said mess. Your friends are a second family, of choice and sometimes just God given. Pray for your friends, the right ones to come your way. Pray for your friends, the wrong ones to leave and go their way. Stop holding onto people that are on their way down and taking you down with them. Stop holding onto people that have moved on. Stop holding on. Let it go.

And to those with the privilege of joining ME for the long run.
Welcome aboard. Being in my life as my friend you are guaranteed Love, as best as I know how. You are guaranteed a listening ear and a toungue of advice.. if you request that of me. However if you become my friend in the hopes of controlling me you are in for a struggle. I’m not an open book but I am a thrilling book. Each chapter is different and every new revelation about me is bigger than before. I’d hope you are as much of a friend to me as I am. Encourage me, support me, motive me, inspire me, dream with me, laugh with me, cry with me?
Understand me.
but please,
Don’t Give Up On Me.

I don’t blame you if you can’t hack it, I won’t hold it against you.
Just speed up the process of your departure so I can make room for the freshers because like I said, not everyone is in it for the long run.

3)The future is still very much bright
A LOT of people are routing for me to fail. 2/10 people in a room will genuinely want me to do well. My statistics generated by my random number generator, in my head.
They don’t realllly mean anything on the surface, but I use them to illustrate that I wasn’t born the prettiest girl in the room, the fastest runner on the track. I didn’t play Mozart aged 5 neither did I memorise the whole periodic table. Therefore in a society based on appearance and proving yourself I’d be a bit more than average but definitely no Beyonce!
You’d Think…

My Faith however tells me something compeletly different:
I believe [by faith] my life and the events thereoff are not by chance, rather the strategic plan of a Sovereign God who is not limited by human reasoning. I believe [by faith] I am being prepared for a future to serve and love others. I believe [by faith] my suffering was not in vain rather a pre-requisite for the strength I need to be me. I believe [by faith] my future is bright. The way I see it, I am going to do something that has never been done before. Beyond any talent and human ability. Destiny. I don’t know where, how, who or when it will happen, but I just Know.I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW!
Don’t believe me?
JUST WATCH

Reflection:
If you’ve read this thoroughly you’d realise I still don’t know what the fuss/pain is about, but really I don’t think I need to know.
One of life’s many “WHY’s” left unanswered questions. The beauty of having Faith, is that in the midst of life’s WHY’s you can still manage to believe enough to keep on keeping on and STAND. With your head held up high, feet firmly sunk into the ground shoulders back just STAND. STAND when you don’t know what else to do, for falling (this far in) is not an option. STAND and let [your] God show off. STAND and let [your] God reward you for your diligence.

By Yours Faithfully.

Oh, MAN!

Oh, MAN!

Foreword:

This is dedicated to God, the Father of the Fatherless & all his children [us].

I believe God uses the coming together of a man and a woman to bring forth mankind which he can use in this earthly realm. You can’t chose the family you are born into, unlike your friends. And the dynamics of a family are constantly changing.

Statistics show:

  • The percentage of families that are headed by a lone mother increased from 7 per cent in 1971 to 20 per cent in 2009
  • The proportion headed by a lone father has increased marginally since the early 1970s, but since the mid-1990s has remained at about 2 to 3 per cent.
  • The proportion of families headed by a lone parent was 8 per cent in 1971, but is nearly three times higher in 2009 at 23 per cent.
  • One parent families are 3 times more likely to experience poverty than 2 parent families.

(Source: http://www.eauk.org/culture/statistics/family-life-in-the-uk.cfm )

I want to loosely stress a couple of things, gibberish and numbers aside:

– there are more single mother families than before

– there are far less single father families (1/10) and this remains constant

– there are less families with both parents generally

– there is a higher chance you will be poor if your family has one parent

and just to let you in on my family: I was born into a 2 parent family with 1 step brother, and 3 step sisters (who lived with their mother) so I was  raised as an only child… As I grew up, I came to know of 3 OTHER half sisters ( who also lived with their mother-s) so STILL I was just an only child… with 7 siblings? there’s 8 of us.. do the maths!

Sadly my dad passed away.. a while back and my dream 2 parent family turned single family, the basis of my writing today.

Word:

If you’ve always had both parents you couldn’t know what growing up with no father or mother could mean. And I pray In Jesus’ Name you won’t have to experience such. However if you do, or if it does happen remember every situation is different and at the end of the day, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

A husband plays a significant role as the covering of his wife. However when children are involved he now embarks on a journey as the head of the family. Being a man he assumes his role as a protector and provider alongside his wife, his help. Or so it seems. Ideally families should run on this basis but being in the 21st century, a traditional family exemplifying the above principles is just antique. Perhaps rare? I share this with you not to merely state facts but to emphasise the importance of manhood. With no role-models leading by example regarding the work it takes to be a husband/father, young men in this generation are simply not interested. And with social media doing it’s uttermost to “sell dreams”, apparently the young men of this generation will end up with a young lady with an extremely enormous behind, free-falling natural locks down to her thighs and of course will make dinner in Louboutin’s whilst they [young men of this generation] exercise their muscles on a game of FIFA… perhaps they will have kids? I doubt it though because tumblr says you can casually have unprotected sex in some fascinating positions and locations, mind-blowing infact, resulting in excruciatingly intense orgasms on a perfectly laid bed with Egyptian cotton sheets, Manhattan being the backdrop of such a scene.

I always pause and wonder.. is the camera set-up already ready to snap OR does the couple cue a free-lance photographer to enter the room as one indulges in the dirty-dirty? I just don’t understand. Kudos doe!

Whatever it is it’s just simply not an accurate representation of what life is. The sooner you realise [personally accept this for yourself] this the better. If you genuinely want a woman to build a home with, and leave your seed here on earth then you’re going to have to put in work. The world is full of women/girls [myself included] who are eager to meet someone who is out of this world. Once a female has had their fair share of muscle, 6-packs, the “V”, tats and all that jazz.. it’s just not enough. The gym/exercise is a pre-requisite for certain people [myself included] before even considering a future with someone else (shallow, but true) however if I had to make the ghastly choice between the best set of biceps I’ve ever laid my hands on and the most engaging, wisest of conversations… It’s a no brainer.

And just incase you still have no clue what i’m on about.. I’d rather be with a fat philosopher than a ripped hoodlum.. diamonds over a draw.. Brooklyn (New York) NOT Brooklyn (S.E 15)..

And [thank God] there ARE men out there who seek truth, who want to know more, do more, be more, achieve more! And they don’t just make it known via a facebook status or tweet… you can hear it [usually] when they narrate how they’ve spent their day…

It would be absurd to think you can make a Good Husband i.e be faithfull, which means having sex with the same person for the rest of your life, when you can’t keep it strapped in and you sleep with anything that walks. This principle simply does not work and is in your head. And frankly.. If YOU [by choice] do not sort your life out, you will be the man you’ve always said will never be you. The husband who cheats in his “spice” of a wife, The man who leaves his children only for another soul to raise. Either that or you will have a collection, of Baby Mama’s.

there will come a time when your weak targets

will rise above your blank shots.

yet, fully-loaded.

they will simply just refuse,

and abortion will not be their portion.

your only report will be child-support!

And of course if you simply have no father-figure in your life and you are clueless on how to start pursuing the man God created you to be, just simply “Seek first the Kingdom of God”. Everything else falls into place. The Lord is preparing the hearts of women everywhere to be the Proverbs 31’s, to be your help, assisting you on accomplishing missions, setting examples, leaving a legacy, your mark here on earth. But how can we help someone who will not help themself, who shows no understanding of their importance or role here on earth and their greater reward which comes from fighting a good fight of faith and such…

Aim to be the man that we [women] simply can’t say no to. Not because you have entrapped a poor damsil to co-habit with you as and when you see fit, or preyed on her weakness for your scent each time you draw near to her. But because you’re chasing a God who has her heart.  That is a win-win.

Reflection:

 It would seem the principle of marriage was lost but with more and more youth becoming believers, standards are rising. It is no longer enough to be together just because of “what we have in common”..”he makes me laugh”..”his name is my name spelt backwards” and all the other excuses we have at the ready in order to compromise. And just incase this was enough for you before, ask yourself.. Will his jokes get us through unpaid bills? and just incase you’re sure enough (according to his bank balance) you will never be broke, IF you did lose everything and didn’t have a dime! is he the type of man with enough Faith (like Abraham) to believe God beyond your situation, is he the type of man (like David) who will praise God through just about anything, is he the type of man (like Christ) to give up his life for you, or will he trade it all (like Judas) for the shiny things in life, to cover his back and maintain his reputation.

Reconciliation

Reconciliation

i just want to reconcile #2013SOFAR:

2013,So Far? SO GOOD!

16 Days in..

Fullscreen capture 16012013 021821this that I  (@faithfullyrooky) tweeted this just earlier today but i forgot to add a “Thank You” to the select few who have contributed to my seeing, going, tasting, experiencing and laughter. I want more of this, the more of this I get the more I have to give back and the cycle can only continue and grow.

There’s a statement, which I can’t quote word for word, flying around social networks, which is similar to something said in Why Did I Get Married Too? along the lines of  “its difficult to have a good man after you’ve had a bad one” and it’s not the MAN factor I care about, but the idea of having something good after having something bad i.e. having a good 2013 when 2012 felt like hell on earth (exaggeration solely for the purpose of emphasis). It would be foolish of me to reach halfway through the year and feel like i’m having a re-run of 2012 rather than embracing  all these moments i’m having  which [SO FAR] are 10x better than last year BY FAR!

Because the truth is since the clock struck midnight [my] life hasn’t been the same. Life, as I know it, is simply unorthodox & I love it.

I’ve realized: the people [i want]: who have the potential to be in my tomorrow with enough commitment and love, the people [ i don’t want]: who are still holding onto the same old bull of which frankly, I have not enough time (still counting down) to try change you and make you see bigger picture.

I’ve also realized: don’t judge a book by it’s cover: So far in 2013 I’m fueled by the element of surprise in just about everything and everyone; people who can bake & do hair, people who have a hidden musical talent, people who can influence and advice: It’s almost as if everyone is packing with dynamite ready to explode at any moment, and it’s in this Moment Of Reconciliation I look back and just say Thank-You:

To everyone who has made 2013 a pleasure so far I will gladly celebrate your talents, your efforts, your commitment, your faith, because in one way or another, whether you did something big or just showed me that you care it’s making a difference and i feel the love

Above All, I thank Him [God] who ultimately already knows how these 349 days will go for me/us; regardless I remain humbled for even being alive and thankful for the grace to make another year count!

I am human, I will have bad days, I will have set-backs.. but in my heart.. i know that i know.. that i know.. I KNOW I AM HAPPY!

Poetic Justic

Poetic Justic

Poetic Justice, I call it PrOphETic

Wise, For-seeing, Through your words you capture [my] attention

I listen attentively, “Quick to listen, Slow to speak”

So I Was Slow to type Speak.

But I did; as I was inspired to do by a CERTAIN poet . . . “Its no good wanting something but doing nothing about it. If you want to have it, you have to grab it and own it”

But in due time? If the time will ever be DUE I could own it?

as for you poet… “why window shop when you own it”

but it ain’t nobody’s ‘bi-ness and it definitely ain’t mine,

i guess it’s only through your written words not your spoken i will know, If you OWN-ing it.